40+ Uproarious Tweets From Twitter Users Who Don't Want to Call it X (November 3, 2023)

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  • 01
    Ben Rosen @ben_rosen i asked my wife where she was going, she said "five nights at freddys." i said have fun at the movie, she said "what movie?" 9:26 PM 10/26/23 from Earth 1M Views 4.4K Reposts 47 Quotes .
  • 02
    Harrison Weinreb @harriweinreb Hey man do you like my costume? You only need photographic memories of every movie scene you've ever watched to get it 7:17 PM - 10/28/23 from Earth.7.1K Views 6 Reposts 190 Likes 1 Bookmark
  • 03
    Zero Wing @zerowing0 New Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is an all time world recordholder in the Green line Test. Facebook 3:52 PM 10/25/23 1.1M Views
  • 04
    LEAD It looks like Altuve was rewarded with screen time for hitting that home run. Jason Burke @ByJasonB H MANNY RAMIREZ MOST HR POSTSEASON HISTORY JOSE ALTUVE N BERNIE WILLIAMS SE DEREK JETER 29 . 26 22 20 8:15 PM 10/20/23 from Earth. 263K Views 471 Reposts 52 Quotes 3.B
  • 05
    i jus know he getting cooked by the homies in their group chat rn Corn →* @upblissed BLACK Black Millionaires Ⓡ @Blackmillion.... 3d Bill Gates daughter Phoebe Gates & her impressive boyfriend Robert Ross a tech entrepreneur & fellow student at Stanford University have broken up S 1:27 PM - 10/22/23 from Earth 6.5M Views 3,491 Reposts 71 Quotes . BLACK MILLIONAIRES
  • 06
    soul nate @MNateShyamalan employee: hey boss they're making fun of us because we serve bread with a side of bread ceo of panera: okay. well then how about a lemonade that kills you 11:17 PM - 10/26/23 234K Views 831 Reposts 13 Quotes
  • 07
    Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel "Let me get this straight, you got your kicked by four fully mature mutant ninja turtles?" "No, sir, it's actually worse than that." 8:46 PM 10/24/23 from Earth. 1.3M Views 4K Reposts 24 Quotes
  • 08
    Aqualmperium @aquaimperium8 Girl at a party asked to see my YT recommendations because "it's a good test for red flags" and this was the first recommendation I had What if Big Bird Exploded in the Challenger Disaster? Alternate HistoryHub - 1.1M views • 6 months ago 9:05 AM 10/26/23 from Earth - 2.1M Views . . 6.7K Reposts 618 Quotes 15:50 :
  • 09
    Jamon @jamonholmgren My son plays an iOS game and the solo indie dev puts out new features every week at a breathtaking pace. Ced asked him if he uses GitHub and he said "I don't use any version control." 10:27 PM 10/27/23 from Earth 438K Views 71 Reposts 21 Quotes .
  • 10
    Maddie (ghosts are real) @Picklemaddierix Homer. Marge. Bart. Lisa. to some people, these words are basically meaningless. but to fans of a certain yellow funny family, these words mean the entire world... 3:17 PM 10/26/23 from Earth 986K Views . 843 Reposts 43 Quotes .
  • 11
    High Yield Harry @Highyield Harry I'd like a scooped gluten free bagel please 9:05 AM 10/28/23 from Earth.318K Views 368 Reposts 18 Quotes 6K Likes 49 Bookmarks
  • 12
    wint @dril the middle east is complicated because its bad to support smothering orphans in but I also really want to graduate Harvard fire 2:12 AM 10/23/23 3.8M Views 13.6K Reposts 290 Quotes
  • 13
    BILL RYAN @faceyouhate sick of Marvel? here are five Marvel movies to watch Deseret News Sick of Marvel? 5 movies from the Marvel heyday actually worth a rewatch 6:28 AM 10/26/23 from Earth .446K Views . 572 Reposts 26 Quotes
  • 14
    khary @NotKhary they look like best buy employees + Discussing Film @DiscussingFilm.1d 'SPIDER-MAN 2' releases tomorrow. Are you excited? Read our review: bit.ly/SpideyDF 12:30 PM - 10/19/23 from Earth. 1.4M Views ...
  • 15
    B @bridgetehurley A woman at my bar was talking about how she has hard time meeting men and I told her to just start conversations with people. A guy comes in and sits next to her and she turns to him and goes "where were you during 9/11?" 9:32 PM 10/25/23 from Earth. 286K Views 568 Reposts 164 Quotes
  • 16
    +(sick pants) @SureThing_Buddy i think athletes should be able to gamble on us average people at OUR jobs. Let's see how Anthony Davis likes it when I rack up 4 hours screen time in a 6 hour shift when he had under 3.5 5:29 PM 10/25/23 from Earth 3.8M Views 8.9K Reposts 906 Quotes
  • 17
    alex de @turntineforwhat oh my god NBC News www.nbcnews.com Panera Bread faces suit from family of student who died after drinking ... 2 days ago - An Ivy League student with a heart condition died after she drank Panera Bread's Charged Lemonade, a large cup of which contains more ... alex @turntineforwhat 2/21/23 enough time has passed to admit that I had to go to the ER after this twitter.com/ turntineforwha... 1:28 PM - 10/25/23 from Earth 2.9M Views . 2.6K Reposts 486 Quotes .
  • 18
    Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Britain: we're cancelling our Chinese servant policy, for racist reasons Me: because the policy was racist? Britain: lol no sorry, I meant the *reasons* are racist ... O Shashank Joshi @shashj. 1d "The Royal Navy is ending its century-old tradition of having Chinese servants on warships amid fears that they could be forced to spy for Beijing. Hundreds of Chinese laundrymen have worked on Britain's warships... 1:13 PM - 10/24/23 from Earth. 765K Views 1,849 Reposts 6 Quotes
  • 19
    Alex @allowedtohit hahahahaha Translate post D DO G ԻՄԱՄ ՄԱՆՈ ՆՄԱՄՄՄՄՄ LEGO LEGO @LEGO Group.5h Get ready to take off and explore the world of Dune with the new LEGO Ornithopter. Available for pre-order now! lego.build/DuneOrnithopter
  • 20
    wiz fajita @trillary_banks_ I been crying laughing for an hour man. My homeboy rents his car out to ppl on Turo, and somebody rented his Camaro from him for 4 days right? They tinted his windows yall LMFAOOOOOO brought his tinted windows WHY back with 2:28 PM 10/23/23 from Earth. 3M Views ... 3,628 Reposts 1,821 Quotes
  • 21
    GER stoned cold fox @roastmalone_ so many of you want a golden retriever boyfriend but are you strong enough to old yeller him when the time comes 10:17 PM - 10/23/23 from Earth. 1.8M Views . 4,473 Reposts 462 Quotes ...
  • 22
    Sam Alberti @sam_alberti the Astros losing and then Ted Cruz losing his senate seat because enough fans are convinced he cursed the team would be the funniest possible timeline RS Rolling Stone @RollingStone. 15h Ted Cruz's office has confirmed he will be in attendance for Game 7 on Monday, despite Astros fans on social media begging him to stay home. ... 8:28 PM - 10/23/23 from Earth - 307K Views 719 Reposts 29 Quotes
  • 23
    d. @_312DARIUS Owning a Buffalo Wild Wings hat is atrocious drip Josh McDaniels Deserves an Asswho.... 6h Yea totally not a plant from NFL lol 238 LAC ATLANTA (21 . 2-3 3 KC HALO WINGS 5-1 5:31 PM 10/22/23 from Earth 1.5M Views 10 2ND 14:11 21 1,165 Reposts 40 Quotes . 1ST & 10
  • 24
    kira @kirawontmiss the one with coke in it Historic Vids @historyinmemes - 8h Evolution of the coke bottle since 1899. Which bottle did it best? 1899 1900 MAYROATY OF THE TAME MINCHEW WINE 1915 1916 1957 1986 8:42 PM 10/22/23 from Earth 588K Views 432 Reposts 7 Quotes 12K Likes 128 Bookmarks
  • 25
    Doug Powers @ThePowersThatBe Pence looks like he's trying to sell timeshares to people who only came for the free bagel. 10:55 AM 10/22/23 15.2K Views 43 Reposts 11 Quotes 205 Likes 2 Bookmarks
  • 26
    € World of Engineering @engineers_feed I don't know for what purpose the Cybertruck is tested for bulletproofness and at this moment I'm afraid to ask 1:36 PM - 10/21/23 from Earth. 1M Views 314 Reposts 151 Quotes
  • 27
    kira G @kirawontmiss DO NOT TRY TO DOWNLOAD SPIDER- MAN 2 ON THE PS4 12:04 PM 10/20/23 from Earth 24.7M Views .
  • 28
    princey. last of his name. @notPRINCEY everybody finna price themselves back into the piracy days. they act like we just forgot how, Imao. Melanie Dione @thegatesOfmel. 2d Netflix is charging the price of Hulu's trio bundle. They are huffing paint. 6:07 PM - 10/18/23 from Earth 1.5M Views 3,911 Reposts 197 Quotes
  • 29
    juju š @ayeejuju asked her to be part of my story, but in the end i was just her toy. 2:30 PM 10/20/23 from Earth. 2.3M Views 3,839 Reposts 245 Quotes
  • 30
    سلسبیل salsabeel @funnecfox y'all my cousin is 15 and couldn't join a protest so she just went to one on roblox bro i'm crying →→ ME 5:57 PM 10/23/23 6.5M Views . 14K Reposts 933 Quotes
  • 31
    kira @kirawontmiss the air fryer watching y'all bring all of this O ca$h @ Itscashmere. 5d Me & my girl gets down we don't play CHEESÉSTICAS FRIES . i. esavasaurusrexx 9.5K Reposts 126 Quotes NEW SIZED (HOT POCKETS 4:13 PM 10/26/23 from Earth. 9.1M Views 100%
  • 32
    Corn →* @upblissed you will never financially recover after buying chicken wings from the movie theater O Realest @realest2solid. 1d If they sold these in theaters instead of popcorn I'd be happy 1:28 PM - 10/26/23 from Earth 16.8M Views . 24.3K Reposts 473 Quotes
  • 33
    Gwdihŵ @youwouldknow Witnessed this particular scene in the cinema where a man a few seats down actually T in terror, which ruined the film for my friend & I who basically wept with silent laughter for the rest of it FRIGAY THE 13 FriGay the 13th Horror Podcast @FriG.... 2d What's a jump scare that actually got you the first time??? We'll start... GIF ALT 7:32 AM 10/27/23 885K Views .
  • 34
    juju s @ayeejuju halloween parties are so funny cuz why tf is dora grinding on bugs bunny 8:26 PM 10/28/23 618K Views . 662 Reposts 33 Quotes
  • 35
    artemis @peak_transit the line "fish fear me" interestingly is 2/3rds composed of the very small set of english words you can monger 12:35 AM 10/28/23 from Earth 337K Views . 1.2K Reposts 30 Quotes
  • 36
    Grace @gracecamille_ when my pregnant friend pulled me aside and was like "I just wanted to get ahead of this.. we're naming her Grace but it's not after you. It has nothing to do with you" 7:37 PM - 10/23/23 3.8M Views
  • 37
    sea @destroynectar youtube just ain't the same no more You might also like this RANDOMLY KISSING & GRABBING COUSIN DURING ARGUMENTS Lah Mike 480K views 4 days ago 3:15 PM 10/27/23 from Earth.7.2M Views . 1K Reposts 311 Quotes 1/2 8:32 ...
  • 38
    Slap @slvppy soon as he heard she was pregnant, mike- was-out-ski REWELL 8:48 PM 10/25/23 from Earth 3.3M Views 7.8K Reposts 784 Quotes
  • 39
    Same Ol' B @Bang4UrBuk Jamaica. I cannot think of anything funnier than Jason against Jamaicans. @JasonVoorh.... 10/2/23 Jason Voorhees Jason's been to New York. Jason's been to space. Where else should Jason go?
  • 40
    Michelle @michelleDbelle Teenage niece (talking to me while she's driving): Could you respond to my friend's text for me? And don't make it weird by putting stuff like punctuation. 1:38 PM - 10/28/23 2K Views 13 Reposts 96 Likes
  • 41
    Hanging with the raisin girls @TheHappySlut1 Hate is too strong of a word, but to the guy who brought a cowbell to a 7am youth hockey game, I very much dislike you. . 10:24 AM 10/28/23 - 10.4K Views . 24 Reposts 2 Quotes 438 Likes
  • 42
    Jenna SaysQuoi @jennasaysquoi socks try to be monogamous but most end up either single or having multiple different partners 4:27 PM 10/28/23 1.8K Views . 19 Reposts 70 Likes 1 Bookmark

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